NHS GP SURGERY PRACTICE NURSES

Just here to blow off steam..... For the last few days....maybe even since the splenectomy 2 weeks ago, I feel like I've been kicked in the left kidney area. Yesterday after an hour journey in the car, with the kidney area supported on a folded blanket, it was somewhat uncomfortable by the time I got home. I have been eating paracetamol on a regular basis for 2 weeks. It helps a bit but not much. Today I decided to test my waterworks. It showed BLD-SNG ERY_HB 25+ hemolysed. Now I'm no nurse or doctor and maybe my kit has not been stored correctly and I don't know what +25 means but I know its a couple of stops up the scale from what it should be if the dipstick is correct. I phoned the hospital who 'advised me to go to the surgery, see a doctor or nurse pronto to get it checked professionally and maybe I would need some antibiotics for an infection. Get back to the hospital if necessary'. Brilliant, quick advice from a specialised cancer nurse who knows I wouldn't phone for advice without good reason. So I phoned my surgery....
No appointments today....that's good then....so I quietly stood my ground and got an appointment with the practice nurse who is allowed to issue prescriptions. She found no trace of anything and I explained about the pain. What I got was 'there's nothing in the sample'.....(so go home little lady and stop wasting my time, and what are you doing with your own test kit!!!) - nb. the hospital gave me a test kit during chemotherapy when I kept getting infections and I didn't want to keep visiting the surgery unnecessarily!). So with absolutely no sympathy whatsoever for the pain, and feeling like a hypochondriac and with no antibiotics, I left. I didn't feel like bothering the hospital again, although I know I will be in trouble on Monday for leaving it, but I haven't the heart. Back to my hot water bottle and paracetamol. I know the hemolysing is supposed to have stopped, but I feel it is back. I have the shakes and the radiating pain in my jaw which presents when it is back. My chest vibrations too. It could just be that I am coming off the steroids pretty quickly as well which doesn't help. I feel a big pity party coming on.

From the Prophet by Kahlil Kibran - On Dying

'You would know the secret of death.
But how shall you find it unless you seek it in the heart of life?
The owl whose night-bound eyes are blind unto the day cannot unveil the mystery of light.
If you would indeed behold the spirit of death, open your heart wide unto the body of life.
For life and death are one, even as the river and the sea are one.

In the depth of your hopes and desires lies your silent knowledge of the beyond;
And like the seeds dreaming beneath the snow your heart dreams of spring.
Trust the dreams, for in them is hidden the gate to eternity.
Your fear of death is but the trembling of the shepherd when he stands before the king whose hand is to be laid upon him in honour.
Is the shepherd not joyful beneath his trembling, that he shall wear the mark of the king?
Yet is he not more mindful of his trembling?

For what is it to die but to stand naked in the wind and to melt into the sun?
And what is it to cease breathing, but to free the breath from its restless tides, that it may rise and expand and seek God unencumbered?
Only when you drink from the river of silence shall you indeed sing'.